Honesty that is not usually spoken out loud but takes place in all of us at some stage.
Hang on, why not?
And where did that negativity come from?
Then I thought maybe I am my own worst enemy when it comes to backing my judgement and belief in myself. Maybe I am holding myself back from going to the next level. Maybe focusing on what I have achieved is stopping me from what I can achieve in the future. Ouch, that’s ego. Surely not me. Surely after 30 years plus of training I would possess the tenacity of a lion when it comes to achievement in any martial art.
What happened was the ‘human’ side of me surfaced. The voice of the teenager who originally started martial arts to become confident still sits in there. Refusing to admit that this alter ego no longer exists is the same as believing that your instructor was always a black belt. Everyone struggles. Everyone has self doubt. Those who stick with their struggles overcome them in the long run. It is just a matter of time.
The Rain Dance
Researchers some time ago heard about a tribe in Africa that had a 100% success rate with their rain dance. Other tribes recorded a 50/50 success rate (sometimes it rained, sometimes it didn’t!) When they tracked down this tribe, they looked at the type of dance, the location, the words they used and everything they did in their particular ritual. Everything matched what other tribes did. They found no reason to have such an incredible record. Then one variable surfaced that made all the difference. They danced UNTIL it rained.
So as humans wanting to achieve, it seems we underestimate the power of Osu No Seishin – Perseverance Under Pressure.
So what now?
Keep moving. The confidence and calmness that you desire lies on the other side of difficulty.
Your instructors job is to present that difficulty. Your job is to confront it.