Here is a conversation that demonstrates the point. It was supposed to be about martial arts but it ended up being about life. In martial arts a student is confronted with highs and lows. At times the feeling is that they are actually getting worse. But each low creates the platform for the next level. Once the student realises that, he or she relaxes and understands it is a necessary stage of development. That is why the martial arts is split up into three stages – physical, mental and then spiritual. You work through the physical stage to become mentally stronger and finally spiritually calmer.
Trauma tends to have that effect on us.
“Surely this patch will finish soon”
It will. They always do.
“That’s a bit negative.”
It’s not meant to be negative, or positive. The truth is just meant to be the truth. It just enables you to breathe and be calm at this stage.
“But you don’t know what stage I’m in. And how long it will last for!”
I don’t need to. It’s a stage. It’s not meant to be permanent. That’s the definition of a stage. It’s transitional.
The funny thing is that each stage is meant to teach a lesson. If you don’t learn the lesson you will find yourself visiting the stage again later.
“So I have to beat it. Like in a game?”
It’s not about defeating something or being defeated. There is not you and the game. There is not you and the enemy. There is just you. You are the game. You are the situation. If you fight it, you are fighting yourself.
The idea is to step back from your emotions and see it for what it is. If you get angry, you block the message.
“Oh. Sort of being my own worst enemy.”
Not really. If you think ‘enemy’ you set up two sides within yourself. Think of the word ‘understanding.’ It’s about gaining an understanding of things.
“But if I think of all things and me as being two separate ideas isn't that the wrong outlook? Shouldn't I think of all things – the world – being a part of me? Sort of… the inner world and the outer world is still my world. If I think of it this way, if I think of controlling my inner world, I can change my outer world.
You will make a great teacher.
“No. I struggle too much.”
That’s what makes a great teacher. The struggle is a necessary stage.
As I said earlier, "Trauma tends to have that effect on us."
Therefore it is good for you. It just doesn't feel like it at the time.